


Is it easier?

by milktea_n_bbang



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: 3rd person, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bbangkyu and bbangnyu are there, Changmin is just there lmao, I may or may not have initially written this out of spite, Jaehyun is a patient man, M/M, MilNyu are crap at being exes, Self-Indulgent, Self-Projecting, Younghoon is kinda shitty ¿, but Chanhee's pov, but Milnyu is the real deal here, but no actual smut, give him a medal, idek what this is, rated m for implied sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milktea_n_bbang/pseuds/milktea_n_bbang
Summary: And Chanhee wonders why they're here again, how they got to this point again, when all they ever do is fight, fight and then ignore each other's presence for the past four years. They were supposed to hate each other. It was supposed to be as easy as that.Or; MilNyu are horrible at being exes, throw in a Kim Younghoon and a random Ji Changmin to the mix. (I kinda suck at summaries I'm sorry)
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Younghoon, Choi Chanhee | New/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae, Ji Changmin | Q & Kim Younghoon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	Is it easier?

**Author's Note:**

> Alright this took me literal ages to finish, so enjoy. I kinda initially wrote this out of spite lol. 
> 
> Title and story loosely based off of Easier by 5SOS. (So a songfic, kinda¿)
> 
> Take a shot every time I write 'easy' or 'easier' lmao. (Caution: You might get drunk)

Truth to be told, Chanhee doesn't know how they always end up like this - lying next to each other , their bodies entangled and their breaths rhythmic, and Chanhee stares at his sleeping face; the only time when Hyunjae truly had no care for anything in the world,as much as he himself would like to believe otherwise. And Chanhee wonders why they're here again, how they got to this point again, when all they ever do is fight, fight and then ignore each other's presence for the past four years. They were _supposed_ to hate each other. _It was supposed to be as easy as that._

And truth to be told, he did hate him. Lee Jaehyun was to blame for all the shit that had gone wrong in his life, he was to be blamed for all the mess-ups and the mistakes and the wrong decisions he had taken in his lifetime. And yet Chanhee could never deny the fact that he was also as much as in fault. Their relationship was just a pathetic game of push-and-pull. If you could even call whatever it was that went on between them a _relationship._

Hyunjae's eyes flutter,and Chanhee observes as he slowly wakes up, his hands going up and down over Chanhee's bare back as Chanhee rests his head on the crook of his neck, taking in the scent of the taller male; before the sunlight would break and they would pretend as if nothing had ever happened between them, as if they hadn't seek refuge in each other's bodies and sweet nothings just the night before; and Chanhee would go back to Younghoon, because although they were currently fighting, he knew, and Hyunjae knew, that they would be back together anyways and Hyunjae would pretend like they had nothing to do with each other again. Because that's all they have been doing for the past four years and a counting after all. And they don't talk. Not at all. Not even when a certain Kim Younghoon calls the next morning while they were eating breakfast and Chanhee picks it up.

The day goes by smoothly, with Younghoon visiting him at work with a bouquet of (apology) flowers and some chocolates (Younghoon would never admit it, but Chanhee knows him all too well) and he accepts them willingly, and at the end of the day, all's well; Younghoon apologized, and they're back together. _Chanhee's decision was easy like that._

They lie on Chanhee's bed, out of breath, as if that was what they were used to doing all the time, and that wasn't too far from the truth. And if they had ever tasted other people, had seeked comfort and assurance in the warmth of someone else's body during the good two weeks they had separated, they don't talk about it. _Being with Younghoon was easy like that._

"I missed you", the elder's voice was weak.

"I know. I did too", and the elder hums in acknowledgement.

And Chanhee's life returns back to normal. He ate,he slept,he worked, and Younghoon would pick him up from work after his shift ended. _For the most part, at least._

There was a change, however, in his workplace, as Hyunjae had started visiting there about twice a week, with a younger looking guy whom Chanhee could only conclude was one of the students he's tutoring, judging from the books that would be laid out on their table. It wasn't actually unusual for the elder to come by with one of his students. But it was unusual for him to acknowledge Chanhee's presence out of nowhere. And to Chanhee's surprise, Hyunjae would make small talk with him, every now and then, though they never really said much.

He introduced him to the young guy, Hyunjoon, who was indeed a student of his, in the guise of being old acquaintances.

The only word that could describe Hyunjoon was 'beautiful'. He had sharp and cold eyes, pale skin, delicate features and a smirk that was very reminiscent to that of a cat's. Hyunjoon was beautiful. He was quite literally, perfect. _Perfect for someone like Hyunjae._

Which was why Chanhee couldn't understand if Hyunjae actually didn't realize the younger's obvious interest in him, or if he was _pretending_ to not know. Because even as cold as Hyunjoon's eyes made him out to be, the poor boy literally wore his heart on his sleeve. And it only took about a week for Chanhee to notice that. There was _absolutely_ no way Hyunjae could've missed it. Chanhee figured that if the elder chose to ignore it just like that, then he had no place to meddle into his business.

Being with Younghoon was easy in a way. But that definitely didn't mean it was _never_ difficult in another. They weren't a perfect pair, and they had _never been_ a perfect pair, having a fight almost every two weeks, sometimes the arguments were small, sometimes they weren't.

One moment Kim Younghoon would give you the world, hold you like you were the only one that ever mattered, and profess his love for you in more than a thousand ways and another moment he would look at you like you were something so atrocious for reasons so miniscule it was ridiculous.

And Chanhee wondered what the hell he even did wrong this time. Because Younghoon was absolutely pissed off as he picked him up from work. Normally Younghoon being angry would consist of him giving the cold shoulder and ignoring each other for a week or two, but that wasn't the case now. The two were fighting at Younghoon's apartment.

"I'm asking you what the fuck you're so angry for?!!", Chanhee asked, already exhausted from work and the elder was not helping it any bit. And Younghoon ignored him.

"Seriously , I don't know why the hell you're acting like this?!", and the elder ignored him once again.

And Chanhee couldn't take it anymore. Not when the elder was being _this_ difficult.

"Jesus Christ, tell me what the hell I fucking did wrong, Kim Younghoon!!", and that finally brought a reaction out of the elder.

"You know what you did wrong! Why the hell are you playing innocent?", and for a moment Chanhee was taken aback. Younghoon _never_ lost his demeanor like this.

"Well I don't know and I'm not fucking playing innocent, so you better tell me what the hell I did so wrong that it made you this mad! "

"You were with him again!",and Chanhee was taken aback for the second time.

"Him? Who the hell-"

"Lee Jaehyun".

And Chanhee wanted to laugh. So this was what this whole thing was about. Apparently, Kim Younghoon came to a stupid conclusion that Chanhee was cheating on him with Lee Jaehyun.

Then Chanhee let out a dry laugh, without a single trace of humor.

"Is that what this is about? You being an overly-jealous bitch? Over Hyunjae? ", and Chanhee knows he might regret those words later, but he couldn't give less shits right now.

"Then tell me what am I supposed to think, Choi Chanhee? I know he and you have this weird thing going on whenever we take a break . I guess that's not the case anymore these days."

And Chanhee wanted to laugh again. He knew Younghoon was an easily jealous person, someone who was possessive of the things (and people) he felt like he owned. But this was all too ridiculous.

"You fucking know I have enough self respect to not sleep around when I'm currently dating someone. But if that's how little you think of me, then so be it !!", and Chanhee could observe that the elder flinched at his words, but he was too angry to care.

And Chanhee stormed out of the apartment, dialing up an all too familiar number along the way. He truly didn't care if he would regret this later.

"Chanhee?", the voice on the other line was soft, although there was a hint of surprise.

And Chanhee couldn't speak for at least a few seconds.

"Wow, you actually picked it up", he knew he sounded accusing, his voice laced with anger and frustration directed towards the argument before. But the elder seemed to pay no mind to that.

"Chanhee, what's wrong?"

"I'm at the park at the corner of Younghoon's house, please pick me up".

And he could hear Hyunjae shuffling on the other side of the line, probably getting ready to take his car.

"Are you alright? It's pretty late ", and Chanhee wanted to cry. Why was he being like this?

"Younghoon and I, we- ugh !"

"It's okay, I'm on my way, please hold yourself together ", and maybe Chanhee started tearing up a little. Stupid, stupid Lee Jaehyun.

"Chanhee?", and Chanhee was brought back to his senses.

"I'm fi-", and his voice cracked a little, "I'm fine, just come over quickly". _Lies._

By the time the elder reached his destination, Chanhee had already dried his tears. The elder opened the car door for him, concern written all over his face. Chanhee actually thought it was cute that he was trying to hide his concern, but Lee Jaehyun's face was an open book. Well, it had always been to Chanhee at least.

The car ride back to Hyunjae's was awfully quiet, an uncomfortable silence in the air, with many unasked questions between the two men inside the vehicle. Chanhee pretended to look out the window, Hyunjae pretended not to look at the younger every minute or two, and Chanhee pretended he didn't notice Hyunjae looking at him. It was just easier that way. _And they always took the easier way._

They enter the familiar building and inside the elder's apartment,and somehow Chanhee feels comfort, and a sense of familiarity. Nothing made sense and that made Chanhee want to laugh.

And Chanhee took the view in, nothing much had changed in the elder's apartment after two months. The flower vase that stuck out like a sore thumb in the middle of the living room was solid proof of that (Chanhee almost thinks that the elder still keeps it just to spite him and not because he actually found it aesthetically pleasing, because if he really did, then he needs serious help.)

"Look, I don't want to question whatever happened but just feel free to do whatever you want", and Chanhee could quite literally laugh at his face because Lee Jaehyun was still a terrible liar. He was literally _dying_ to know.

And Lee Jaehyun was still easily flustered. Because there was a slight hint of confusion and surprise in his eyes when Chanhee suddenly decided to kiss him.

The kiss was heated and desperate, neither of them trying to be the first one to break it. The elder's hands found themselves on Chanhee's waist and they both found themselves on the couch, with Chanhee straddling the elder.

And then they finally stopped, both completely out of breath and panting heavily. Then Hyunjae looked into his eyes.

"Chanhee, we can't do this. Not anymore", and Chanhee couldn't say he didn't see that coming, but it still felt a little embarrassing to be rejected just like that.

"I know. I'm sorry", he took off his hands from where they were tangled in the elder's hair, "you- Hyunjoon-", and he moved away from the elder's lap, " I should've known. I'm sorry ".

But then a sudden turn of events ensued when the elder actually pulled him back, it was safe to say Chanhee was really confused and frustrated.

"What do you mean Hyunjoon?"

"Don't be such a dick. I already had enough shit to deal with".

"No, seriously, Chanhee, do you think I'm interested in Hyunjoon?", and Chanhee wanted to scoff.

"Well he's definitely interested in you", he muttered.

"I know that", and Chanhee scowled and tried to stand up once again. And stopped by the elder once again.

"Geez, stop rubbing it in my face and just let me go, I get it, don't be a dick about it", and the elder had the audacity to chuckle. Lee Jaehyun was chuckling at his misery!

"I'm not interested in him though", the elder said as he buried his face on the crook of Chanhee's neck and hugged him tight. It was intimate. Too intimate that Chanhee found it hard to breathe.

"I- what ? Then why not?"

"I don't want you to do things you regret, Chanhee". _Oh._ This was uncalled for. 

And it was overwhelming, because Hyunjae's arms were snaked around his waist, because Hyunjae could definitely feel his heartbeat, because Chanhee didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't know how to feel about that. Chanhee took a deep breath. _Because it wasn't the easier way._

"I don't care if I regret it ".

"But I do".

"Then I won't regret it".

"You can't say that for sure".

"I can say whatever I want to", and he chuckled into Chanhee's shoulders again, causing tremors to run through his whole body.

"I know that, Chanhee".

"Then I can say for sure that I won't regret it".

"Chanhee, please stop".

"No, I can say whatever I want and I'm saying that I won't regret it", then the elder finally looked up.

"What about me? What if I regret it ? We've done this too many times".

Silence.

"Too many times. I think it's enough", it was just above a whisper.

Chanhee gulped.

"I.......... I'm sorry".

"Stop apologizing. That's the second time tonight. First Hyunjoon, now this".

Chanhee frowned. Hyunjae's bigger hands now engulfed his. It was all too much.

"I shouldn't have called you tonight. I'm sorry".

"It's not your fault. Whatever happened, you thought you could trust me at the moment. It wasn't your fault. If anything, I'm sorry I can't help you the way you want".

And Chanhee sighed. And slumped down his whole body on the elder,his head resting on the elder's shoulder.

"I'm tired, that's all", it was barely even a whisper but the elder caught it.

"You're no good for each other".

"I know".

"Then why?"

"I'm scared".

For the nth time of the night, Hyunjae hugged him again. And Chanhee's tears rolled down, little by little.

"I know he's with Changmin. I know he knows I'm with you".

"Changmin? Ji Changmin? I thought he was- "

"My so-called best friend, yeah, no. We're all pathetic, aren't we?", and he just hugged him closer.

"No. Not you. You aren't ", and Chanhee hates that; hates him, because after all that happened, even though they were supposed to hate each other, even if Chanhee hates him, hated him, Hyunjae never did.

"You're just saying that because you feel bad".

"No, I'm not".

"I'm tired ", Chanhee states again. The elder just hums.

"I know, Chanhee. I know".

Chanhee was tired. Of whatever this was. Of Younghoon. Of Changmin. Of Lee Jaehyun.

"Scared?"

A hum in response.

"Scared of what?"

There was silence for a minute.

"I'm so used to everything. I'm scared ".

Hyunjae just observed, not uttering a single word.

"Everything will change if we break things off. I don't think I could take that".

Chanhee inhales deeply.

"Everything will change", and Hyunjae pats his back.

"I don't want everything to change".

And Hyunjae rests his head gently. He knows. He already knows all too well how much Chanhee hated changes, how much he hated moving on, how much he was unable to move on ; he knows because he was the target of Chanhee's anger and frustration for the past four years and a counting, but Chanhee could never move on from him. From the comfort and protection he felt from him a little over four years ago. Because Chanhee never moved on from him; and that's why they always ended up in the same bed everytime things went a little bit wrong.

And Chanhee knows he's selfish. It wasn't fair to Younghoon, but he didn't care. It wasn't fair to him. And it was so,so unfair to Hyunjae, but the elder accepted it. Because that's just the way it was. _It was just easier that way._

"Some changes are worth making, Chanhee", and he just nodded in response.

"Do you regret it?", Chanhee's voice was weak.

"Do you regret meeting me back then?"

"No", the elder says ever so surely. And Chanhee didn't doubt it.

"I know you do", and Chanhee wanted to disagree, but he couldn't. Because it was true.

"I don't blame you for hating me Chanhee. I also blamed you for a lot of shit for a while".

"What changed your mind?"

"Seeing you again changed my mind ".

And Chanhee is reminded of just how different they were. It was a mystery how they got together back then. But even for a short time, they made it work somehow.

Lee Jaehyun and Choi Chanhee. Two very different people. Yet they made it work. They _used to_ make it work.

"You are so stupid, do you know that?", Chanhee just groaned into his neck.

"I know. You never fail to remind me ", and the elder softly chuckled.

Stupid, stupid Lee Jaehyun. Still the same after all these years.

"Did you ever love me?", Chanhee doesn't know why he's suddenly asking him that.

"I did. With my whole heart, even if it didn't seem like it ".

"Do you still love me?"

"Will you hate me if do?"

"After everything that happened?"

"Yes".

"I'm not worth that".

"You're wrong ".

And then they finally looked at each other. Chanhee hated changes. He hated moving on. But Lee Jaehyun never changed, maybe in other ways he did; gained some weight, lost some weight, grew out his hair, cut it, dyed it, dyed it again, quit his job, found a new one, quit it again, went back to his old job, but he never really changed in those four and a something years. And Choi Chanhee never moved on from him, because Choi Chanhee, too, never really changed.

And Chanhee wonders how Younghoon entered the equation. Beautiful, glorious Kim Younghoon; and his not-so-glorious relationship with Chanhee.

And Chanhee's mind wanders even further as to when Changmin, his ever so supportive best friend Ji Changmin (if he could still even call him that) got involved into this tangled mess of a relationship.

And Hyunjae, no, Jaehyun, Lee Jaehyun. Chanhee wonders why, why he was still in his life; why he never left. Chanhee and Hyunjae had history; a history of missed calls and empty beds and stolen kisses and bad decisions, of poorly thought out words and bold accusations and one-sided stories, of a bad (read, horrible, really horrible) breakup and an even worse post breakup, but ultimately, of one messed up story where they always somehow end up lying next to each other on the same bad, sharing the same breath. And Chanhee realizes _why_ he never moved on.

"Chanhee, you're overthinking again", and Chanhee just frowns at him. And kisses him, briefly but without any regrets. He didn't care if he was going to regret it later, because he was now really sure that he had nothing to regret. And Hyunjae kisses him back without hesitation.

And they end up on Hyunjae's bed once again. But this time without an intention of tasting each other's body like committing some sort of _sin,_ just with the feeling of finding comfort in each other's warmth. And Chanhee has never felt more alive, even as he slowly falls asleep.

And if a certain Kim Younghoon called the next morning as he was eating breakfast with the elder, Chanhee doesn't pick it up. _Even if it wasn't the easier way._

_**Because some changes were worth making.** _

**Author's Note:**

> Hmu on twt @fleurjae114. Comments and feedbacks are highly appreciated. 
> 
> Also, this was a mess and made no sense (again lol) 
> 
> Happy Jacob Day y'all!!


End file.
